


A Little Trouble Getting it Up

by ElricLawliet



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, ancient alien people youre drunk, doyle and tucker dont know what theyre doing, who gave these guys the fate of their entire races?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 19:05:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4677917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElricLawliet/pseuds/ElricLawliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kimball stepped into the open door of Captain Lavernius Tucker's quarters to try and start collecting the Reds and Blues for a meeting, she was not at all expecting the sight of him slamming the hilt of his sword into the corner of his desk over and over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Trouble Getting it Up

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like I should maybe make up for the apparent level of emotions my last one-shot made people feel
> 
> so here, have a story where doyle is alive and still has a sword and nothing hurts

When Kimball stepped into the open door of Captain Lavernius Tucker's quarters to try and start collecting the Reds and Blues for a meeting, she was not at all expecting the sight of him slamming the hilt of his sword into the corner of his desk over and over.

“Fucking...shit...KEY!”

“Uh...Captain Tucker?”

Tucker's head snapped up, freezing mid-swing.

“...Oh. 'Sup, Kimball?”

She eyed him in slight concern, clearing her throat. “I'm trying to gather everyone for a meeting in the war room. If you could try to...finish up? in within fifteen minutes, it would be great.”

“Uh, yeah, sure. I'm sure I'll figure out what's up with this stupid thing by then.” He gave the sword a glare and a violent shake, but the humming blade stayed unactivated. He growled, and began beating the hilt against the desk again. “DAMMIT!”

Kimball just pursed her lips and quietly moved on, trying not to bother about it too much as she knocked on Caboose's door next.

 

\---

 

Four red and two blue soldiers later Kimball was making her way to the other side of the base, knocking twice as a courtesy before pushing open the door to the other general's room without waiting anyway.

To the sight of Donald Doyle, General of the Federal Army of Chorus and self-proclaimed gentleman, flailing his arm around frantically, his sword's hilt clutched in his hand.

He froze as he saw her, dark red creeping up into his pale face.

“...Erm. Good afternoon, Vanessa. May I...help you with something...?”

Kimball just slowly closed her eyes, trying to convince herself that maybe insanity just came with wielding the potential destroyer of an entire planet.

“...Meeting in the war room in five minutes. Please don't be doing that when you come.”

She backed out of the room before he could respond, closing the door behind her and trying to rub away the beginnings of a headache creeping at her temples.

 

\---

 

A little more than five minutes later, Tucker came stomping into the war room with a scowl on his face and his deactivated sword still in his hand. He grumbled as he stood at the edge of the table, crossing his arms over his chest. Wash gave him a worried tip of the head, glancing at Carolina.

“What's--”

Doyle's arrival interrupted his question, demeanor just as irritated (though considerably less stompy). His own sword was back on his hip, but his hand kept twitching towards it.

“...Uh...Doyle?” Wash started hesitantly.

“The fuck is up with you two?” Grif snorted, no time for beating around it in his obviously very busy schedule of sleeping and trying to sneak second and third meal helpings.

“My stupid sword won't activate man!” Tucker snapped, whipping it around again. “This is such bullshit! We're literally fighting for our fucking lives, and my goddamn weapon isn't working!”

“Really?” Doyle asked suddenly, once again interrupting what would have likely been a concerned question from Wash. “Nor is mine. How odd. Do you think Felix and Locus have found a way to keep them from activating?”

Tucker frowned, staring at his sword. “I dunno how they could, dude. I mean, they're only supposed to answer to us.”

And suddenly it clicked, but not in them.

“...Oh my God,” Kimball growled.

She grabbed the swords out of Tucker's grip and Doyle's waist, ignoring their indignant protests, and shoved them into the opposite's hands.

Immediately, both swords burst to life.

They stared dumbly, jaws slack.

“...It never once occurred to you that you guys had done that,” Wash said. “Not once.”

Doyle cleared his throat, as Tucker sheepishly tucked the sword back onto his belt. They glanced at each other, and said at once,

“Oops.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> everyone is alive in this au. the freelancers are retired. they live on a tropical island now. the ais play volleyball. york tries to too. he's just lucky the ball is a hologram.


End file.
